and then i realise..
as i stood infront of the full length mirror in the sister's room
staring at my-chiron-tee-wearing-self..

i still do wana be part of chiron
be that VP who only make herself usefull when no one bothers to listen to the president anymore
be that member who screams at every single soul in the club room because no one was paying attention to waht was being discussed
being atie; the atie that they complained to

i still do wana be part of Endang
be that awok who was once the so called better one
be the time keeper
be the ragam coordinator or so to speak
be the best awok i can ever be
and probably play that very insturment i've always wanted to, for the very last competition

i still do wana be part of the crew
making the stupid-est mistakes no one can imagine
being the technician like i am at home
be the gossip maker, or so to speak
be the laughing partner and self-entertainer
just be there to make the place less quiet when no customer is around

and as much as i hate to say this
i still do wana be loved by someone
be in the warm cuddly arms of a loving man

but all these..
just has to be put to a stop
because the mum says so~

yup
everything takes too much of my time
which is what i want it to do in the first place
because all these.. made me feel like i belong
unlike where i am now

nope
i don't feel belong-ed or even needed at home most of the time..

and yes
ibu approves of nothing..
not even a brand new person in life..
and he isn't even in it just yet..

and this quiting thing..
it ain't working for me..
i thought i could do it..
i really thought i can make it..

but i realise that there are withdrawal symptoms that i have never realised before.
and no.. i cannot live with these withdrawal symptoms..
not with no support around.

i don't have endang
i dun have chiron
i have no more fyp~
and i dun have anyone close enough to turn to
my GFs are bz with their sch~
D&J~ bz with their life; work sch bf..

even if they can be here for me at other times..
it won't be enough for me to pull thru this withdrawal symptom thing~
cus i know i need more attention then i get.. and ever got.

i don't know what to do.
i just have to do away with somethings to make me feel better.
i'll do away with twitter for now
that is seriously and honestly where most heartaches come from

i'll do away with you for a while and see if i can take it
which i don't think i can. =\

how about doing away with my life?
end it right now..
easy, won't it be..?

the only thing ibu approves of now is dance
and yes..
dancing makes me happy.
so i should start right about.. weekends..?

i don't know what to do
and im breaking a tear.. or two..
shoulder please...