tsk..
you should know it's post Grad period right now
esp when you scroll through my friends list
where ALMOST everyone have their grad robes on..

NO!
im not jealous cus i didn't graduate or didn't get to wear mine..
i did graduate!
and i wore my robe~!

im jealoused of those who take proud pics with their parents..
smiling
hugging
kissing..

and what did i have on my grad day..?
parents who argue w eachother
who didn't even wait for my camera to come
who didn't even went to the food reception area
who didn't even meet my 3 years long friends..

fuck.
im so deprived of it
can i go back to school
complete something..
and graduate again

this time with my parents around
with pictures..
not only normal pictures
but pictures showing how much they are proud of me..

i just ask for an evidence of appreciation
just a lil prof
some support.

pfft~
do i have to do everything on my own??

one thing i can definately fdo on my own
hate both of you.
thank you eh!

ok.
i used to spell it as pfft.
i dunoe why i spell it as pftt now.

kay that's besides the point kay.
fk~
i hate work right now
nothing falls into place!!!

im not getting my flows right
wards ain't being nice to me.
discharges are like.. WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT??
and there ain't a thing in the whole huge hospital which is making me want to go to work..
if anything, it makes me NOT want to go.
suck ey?
pftt!

ouh.
one of the work mates said "mcm hensem jek dek ni"
when she heard the s/n from of of d wards' voice..
and i knew instantly who she was talking about
*heh. aku mentel. tau la. so?*

aku dah sengeh2 sndri sak biler dier ckp tu mcm.
ye laaa. aku tau la aku metel. blh diam taaaaak?

i wana do the first cluster again pleaseeeee.
=\\

i need motivation for work! =)



and yes.
the sr crew is storying about that liar.
woah~ he seriously is a stupid idiotic liar.
yes saifullah anwar
im talking about you.
who else la kan?

can i key in the "if then else" codes into my life..
gosh~
it'll save me from all the stupid mind-manipulating guys and heart aches..

so many things to do
so many things to say
so many cracks to heal..

so sooo little time.
tsk.

i wana sing
i wana dance
i wana scream out loud
i wana fly
i wana jump
i wana run!
i wana ride like the road never ends..

but time doesn't permit.
end soon please..
or just let someting come which will make everything much muuuuch so much easier..
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ouh just dorwn me in the sea.
cus my own tears won't do good.

cheebai~!
its the same week we met
its the same week!
gaah! fuck!

its not even a freaking month!
NO!

NOT EVEN A FREAKING MONTH~!!!

so many lies
so many!
just so fucking many~!
too much.
urgh~

YOU ARE ONE BIG FAT LIAR~!
for someone so fucking skinny
-.-



ouh.
tears won't do me any good cus they ain't falling
=)

musibat betol.

i now know what's bothering me.
and yes..
it was since comp day
cus when i see his face
it's all reated to the misery..

but it's not him im blaming..
its him

he left her just like that
he left me just as such
and its so easy for him to find her..

so much for his words..

i told myself i didn't know him well enough..
i don't even know him..

i bet he'll leave her just as such too..

there ain't a doubt in the world how much hurt i felt knowing these shits
and how much of a fool i feel..
and there ain't any reasons for me to miss you either boy..
but fuck my life
everything reminds me of you
that part suck the most.
pfft!

like seriously people~!
does adding up at any "friend adding/making applications" means that someone like you?
does clicking the button "accept friend request" = liking you?
does clicking the "reply" button to your message = liking you?
does adding you = liking you?
does hitting the enter button after whatever you type on MSN = liking you???????

LIKE WTH?~!

ape dah gang~
lu pahal doh..??
*ehem*
okay let's not go to that tone..

like seriously..
does doing all that means that i like someone..?
to the extend that i am in the stage of "i wana noe u better cus i think i like you more than anyone else right now"
yes..? no..?

im taking time off my sleep cus something which is super curious-ing me happened.

firstly.. -_____-" bro!
like serious uh de~ gua tak da papa sama lu uh de.
lu lek uh.. lek.. chill.. gua okay je..
gua sumorg pon gua bual..
gua baik punya orang uh de..
lu lek.. chill chill..

*okay teet! apparently i like to immitate those mat-rep shows from Malaysian drama/movies*

if the answers are all yes to the questions on my first paragrahp..
then sorry uh if a wrong message was sent
cus obviously
i've stated clearly in all my profiles
im hangin around to have friends
cus obviously i ain't ready for anything more than that at this point of "ouh fuck you damn it this is so irritating" time of my life.
and if you don't know. i've been treated like shit by 2 people. and they ment the whole world to me at those points of time
ya a. im still waiting for the lil cute cupid to come.
i thnik he have yet to arrive
cus i just think so
and i don't want him to come just yet okay
so please. GO AWAY.. for now thank you =)

and seriously bro
idk what you're up to
idk what's in your mind
but obviously it aint in mine.

so please..

me adding or accepting your friend request doesn't = to me liking you like like you
me replying to your messages doesn't = to me liking you either
neither dose me replying your MSN messages = to me liking you okay

ni la.
orang da dewase sangat..
haizz..
tak paham sayer bang..
sila bersila..

ehh
sila explain.
0_____o"

we didn't make it
and i have yet to cry my heart out..

#1 we were so super great up there
#2 i finally achieved my dream and proved to myself i can do it!
#3 great comments and compliments

we were so close
but our competitors were better
they are more experienced
and their name is already up there at the standards

and maybe.. just maybe..
it sin't our time yet
fate decided that it ain't our time yet

i cried cus we didn't make it
i really hope that we did
cus of the compliments and confidence
and moreover, we had the crowd applauding for us
it has been a long time since we last had that..

right now
im just so tired and shagged
i just feel like sleeping right this minute
but i have a test tmr and i have yet to remember a thing
and i have yet to do up my notes..

can i sleep first
wake up and mandi
then do my notes?

ok. i'll sleep on the sofa.
im so tired..

gosh~
i feel dumb to not walk in and out and play in the rain
i wish im sick now so i can take mc.
im super tired
gud nyt.. see u later

yes yes~!
omg~!!
the long awaited day is tomorrow~!
i panicked just now during training
before we did the last set, Nafis told me to not look stress concentrating on the beats
instead he asked me to look up straight and smile
don't let the judges, neither the audiences see my stressed face

and when we were about to start our last set of training
i panicked
my heart raced like it never did before
and i was almost in tears
im serious~!
it hit me then
the day im waiting for is finally coming
the dream i've been waiting for and wanting so much is finally coming true

my eyes were flooding
my heart raced
my faced showed it
i felt my mouth trying its best to curve into a smile
but failed
i kept looking down
then up to the ceiling
and down again
tears almost rolled down my cheeks
i was so terrified about what might happen on the grand stage tomorrow
but still kipping my tempo and beats in mind

the plaster on my finger gave way
and it hurt hitting the anak rebana
but i continued
im not to stop at all

finally the set came to an end
i was so relieved
i checked my finger
it's still safe
no blisters
no cuts
no blood
thank god.

we did what we always do to gain our confidence
gather in a circle
but this time was a lil different
i cried my eyes out.. the moment mak esah said those very words;
"gurls, tmr is the day"
she made us say out the reasons why we are going up on stage tmr
everyone said their thoughts
wanting to make Endang proud
wanting to prove to people that we can do it
i said my piece; wanting to achieve my dream of playing the anak rebana on stage
and lastly
the thing that made me tear even more was when she said;
"im doing this because i love all of you"

wasn't the very touching?
other than Izyan, Mak Esah is the one who had been with Endang thru out the whole journey
she had been in all the competitions that Endang took part in
and seriously
i am proud of her =)

after her say
we did what we do best
put our hearts together and sing out our "encouragement" line
'Selembut Sutra
Kekata Ninda
Lemah Gemalai
Endang Bersuara..'
i couldn't bring myself to it
i could only shut my eyes tight
cover my mouth
and cried my heart out

and here i am tearing up again
cus tomorrow is really coming
in less than 24 hours, i'd be up on stage doing what i've dream of doing
i don't care if noone is gona be proud of me for doing it

actually i do care.
i wana prove to someone i can do what he wanted me to
but it doesn't matter now.

tomorrow is gona be a huge day for me
just a short 11 minutes will make a difference
and im terrified of the out come
im worried of my mistakes which might happen



all the best to the rest who are taking part..

and to Endang
MUAXX~!!
tnx for the opportunity~!

okay.
ignore the stupid last post
*emo or wat????*
ahaa

and it doesn't matter does it?
=)


so work has been..
err
ok la~
still under training
have yet to learn alot of things
and face moreeee things
so if u ask me now how my job is
i'll say manageable
but maybe a month later.. i'll say it's hell!
hahaha

anyway
comp is round the coner
TWO MORE TRAININGS LEFT~!!

scarded man!

and ryt after comp i got my test
DOUBLE SCARDED MAN~!
haha

okay
time for me to mandi and sleep.
damn im gna b sleepy at work~! haha