seriously.
everything was my fault.
i was just so dumb.
=\

things won't happen if i had just sent you home
and not make you talk..

why was i just so stupid??

i'm just a worthless piece of shit
whose brain is blank
who can never think things properly

and what took me so long to realise that you weren't yourself??
why didn't i see it?
why was i just so dumb and stupid to not move off in the first place..???

i troubled so many people in just a short one hour plus..
im just so terribly dumb. =\

you always hug me back when i hug you
you always take the tissue from my hand to wipe your tears,
not waiting for me to wipe them for you
you always smoke with your left hand
you never stare at me
you never say nothing when i call your name..
it will at least be "ape?" or something else..
or look at me instead of staring..

why was i just so stupid??

all i could do was cry and cry buckets
you didn't move a single bit
you kept staring at me as if you were angry that i was forcing you to leave the place
when i called apiz, u just smiled and laughed small laughter..
as if you were thinking; "padan muke korang. skg baru tau. amek kau obat~!"

seriously..
when you started staring and smiling more like a mad person..
only then did i realise..

i was so afraid..
very afraid..

when i reached home..
i realise that it happened after you passed your phone to me..

why was i so dumb??

i couldn't sleep well last night..
your stares scared me so much i kept seeing them when i close my eyes.
i was just so afraid to sleep..

i really hope it won't happen again..
i was just too dumb and stupid
so worthless
so empty
i know nothing..

i'm very sorry beb.

it's traumatizing me right now..
making me feel so guilty
everything..

i love you beb.
i won't let such things happen agn bcs of me.
im sorry. =\