the reason why i've been bringing up the name we once had is because
#1 it just flashed tru my mind
#2 i want us to remember and KNOW weher we came from.. like ORIGINALLY

who are we without our seniors?
who are we without the first few people who fought so far, so long and so super strong?
what are we without them?
and what are we suppose to be?
just a stuck up group of bitches?
who forget every fight they fought just to get us into a tesm..??
who doesn't want to listen to eachother?
who doesn't support eachother's battle in the same freaking field we are all fighting in?
what's worst~ we are fighting for the same thing..

we had always been the one thing that people are jealous of
the bond
the sisterhood
the everything

everyone is allowed to speak
and everyone else have to listen
else, why do we have a team then?

we listen to not only one person
but to everyone
equally
especially the ones who know better
especially the one who had fought the battle before us
and most definately the ones who know the world much ahead from us


where have the spirit of the sweetest girls i've known gone to?


i know hating her is wrong
but it just ain't fair when she is doing almost everything
why ain't other allowed to be given the chance?

everything is changed
people are forgotten..

but maybe..
just maybe
i have to realise that things change.. for better or worst
and i just gta except the fact that life is never fair
and except that things won't go the way i want it to~

have i said this before..?

anyone who ain't musically incline. is dead

AND IT'S TRUE LA I TELL YOU~
haha macam mak bedah~!

music is my life~
like when ever the earpiece dies on me
my world is a super killer
cus my ears are left in such a killing silence of music-less world~!

and in a few hours time..
im gna be back on my feet DANCING~!
weeee weet!

i really miss dancing
when i was like in K2..
i was a kaypo girl who listened to Cikgu saying to the other girls
she said that there was gona be a dance practice..
i was so curious and super intersted
i got Ibu to write a letter to Cikgu~
and she put me in the team~
so happy u noe~ =)))

now i got the opportunity to dance again~
wee..

well..
dance + music = passion?

not up there yet..
i wish i could learn all of it when i was much younger..
and flexible..
but when i was much younger.. i think i was less flexible
i was fatter!
hehehe

any whats~
im super looking foward for later~
10-1045
230-315

CAN'T WAIT!
=))

two nights straight.

maka dia laaaagiiii~
maaaaak oi!
heh

jyeah
two straight nights your face was in my sweet dreams..

in the first dream
ibu said u left when i woke up
and just like in reality
i was afraid of texting you..

next..
ader la sikit2 kekadang datang
kire cam hero uh
save aku
pastu ilang
pastu save lagi
pastu ilang
haha.. hero habes tu.
cam spider-man
dah save org bey hilang~
heehe

okay dah tu je..
=)

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

i dun evn noe wat it means.. let's check it out tgdr oryts~ =)

why why why?
so many questions, why~!

why are the members of this very family be just so super irritating?
a simple task of throwing the filled plastic bag into the rubbish chute was also left up to me and only me?
a simple task of re-filling the finished dish-washing soap and the laundry detergent was only up to me??
THANK GOD i don't have to do all of your stupid fugly laundry, hang them dry or fold them nicely for you!

haiz~
i seriously wonder, when will it all just come to an end??

one just think of her "tired-ness" from work. and her most important fiance.. when ever mum needs help, its all not her problem. she's just way too tired to care about anyone else in the world.

the other just hogs the computer and her phone all day long.. one after the other. nothing is more important than her 2year old relationship with her most lovely boyf. she'll just type so fast and press the keyboard so hard whenever she was asked to do things in the house, just to show how angry she is.

an other, just irritates the hell out of me. i just don't know why i just hate being touch by him. its just irritating. i'd rather be out on the nights he ain't driving his cab. he talks so fucking loudly that i can never hear what's going on in the sences of the tv programme I'm watching. and every single time i go "shh~" he'll "shh" louder to me. and "shh" all the way and irritates the fuck out of me.

and the only responsible woman in the house, just don't care the fuck anymore most of the times. she would only usually care when he is at home.


and hell yeah~
i've graduate my butt from RP
IMA POLY GRADUATE WORLD~!!
yaa~ shitty poly graduate who graduated with 2.2 GPA points.
-____-"
how much shitty-er can it get?

WELL VERY MUCH!

graduating..
but still have to pay so much to the school
graduating event
graduate robe
-___-"

if i had to pay for my cert and transcript,
I'LL MAKE SURE THEY ALLOW ME TO PAY USING MY PSEA!!
yes.. PSEA.. the Post Secondary Education Account..
the one which i didn't use.
anyway~ the cash in it will be transfered to out CPF accounts once we reach 30~
so it ain't any waste at all~

Singapore Government is so kind and generous..
so much money to give away
so many schemes to keep us alive.
i loike! =))
and very much loving it! =)
if only we can take out our CPF fundingsssss

i seriously need a job
i don't mind temp jobs or PT ones..
i just need cash flow.


and i miss the SR crews
esp my three other awsome foursomes.
haha.
okay.. i made that name up.
at first it was kinda "cool"
to think back now~ its lame! haha
yea~ and i miss Hala too~
her kecorable-ing.. its so uncompareable to anyone i've known!
haha.
and.. i was kinda thinking it wasn't her who commented on my status.
but it was just a thought~ ouh well..
i miss them all. =)

AND MY EYESIGHT IS GETTING WORST~!
but i dun lyk to wear my speckies.. =\
cus it keeps droping..
and and.. when i wear it and type my sms.. i dun see through it.
what's the use tell me~??

and training is geting more intensed.
4 days a week.
monday-thursday~
intensed for the awoks. but not for me.
its so super boring for me!
w/o yayan.. im just nothing, cus i can't even practice my beats
and i only get to tang-ke-tong-tang away when they wana do a full run~
might as well i come when training is about to end ey? heh

and i haven't been sleeping well.
no matter what i try to do
or no matter what i've done the whole day
i still won't be sleeping the minute i hit my head on my pillow..
not even the hour.
terrible ey?


but even with all that
i manage to smile
cus i have tumblr
reblogging is fun. esp when i find cute and funny pictures =)
cus i have dee and jay; and the anak rebana =)
and i have my funny mother =))

Ibu was OTP with Ayah when this happened
"kawan nyer ati datang tadi..
dier blanje pizza padehal padehaaaaal~
ala.. Jay la yang datang..
bukaaan! Jay yang kudut~
yang gemok tu Dee
Jay for Jerangkong
Dee for Dempol"

HAHAHAHA~!
hey~ i still love you girls so very very much
even if my parents and siblings have to remember both of you that way okay!
MUUUUACKS!

then Kak N asked; "abey T for what?"
and Ibu went; "T for Tonggek!!"
WHAAAAT? aku tak tonggek yer!
my butt is natural. comes from Ibu kay~ hahahahaha

and ouh~!
while i was walking with Jay when i fetched her from the busstop i said; "aku rase nari bdae epul"
and she replied; "bukan rase! memang pooooon~"
hahaha..
it's not that i don't remember.. I DON'T EVEN KNOW~
haha

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

i remember Adi once told me he tried these
yes
its a combination of both
i bet you people out there know it already la~ -_-"

can i..?
like try it when i am more than legal?
would anyone bring me to..?
=))

*ouh no
the malaikat dah tulis in his notebook already*
left shoulder getting heavier

if i hadn't quit
i'd probably am hating you like to the core right about now
like seriously..
i'd be hating you the way she has been hating you ever since

ouh
im sorry
i loooove to compare
did that hurt?
ouh well.. who am i kidding
someone with no heart won't feel hurt

okay. that was evil.
i take it all back.

if i hadn't quit
i'd be sleeping soundly

if i hadn't quit
i'd be hating you every single minute of my life

if~
but if-s don't happen
and i just gta face every fucking day trying to hate you

puff to bed + drowsy pills please~!
i need my rest
get out of my head

so i was.. and still am chatting with the GF
talking bout r/s stuffs~

and it is true
when you have something you want another
and when you have the other
you want to throw it right back~

like school and work
when ur suppose to be getting your education
you wana be employed
and when you are already employed
you wana go back to school

but the worst is
if you're part-time-ing either one
and full-time-ing the other
you just wana sit and rot at home

and when you're rotting at home
you wana earn cash

okay~
the cycle goes on and on

when you're single
you wana be attatched
and when you are attatched
you wana be single

but get this~!
wen u ARE attatched, you can act single
just leave ur BF/GF a side for a day or two~
BUT wen ur single, u cn't act attatched..
unless you have a willing party who wants to play that part
den again.. it'll lead you to being attatched..

okay..
im talking in circles and cycles..
haha

AND OUH~!!
i had great fun at Chiron chalet just now~
i stepped on the flying red things from the burning charcol
pain? duhh

and i managed to get one of them to send me home~
hehee
i mentel i noe~
who cares la kan?

journey home in the cute car with blasted music from Pasir Ris to Bukit Panjang was totally awesome~!
with great company~
jokes flying around. no wait.its jokes + translations and explainations..

it was great
gona crash their camp! weeeweet!

i think im gna check the results in the afternoon later~
try to sleep now..
or~!
i can sneak out and cab to pasir ris~
HAA! GILER~!
cab fare would be a killer~!
hahahaha
then like get Zizul to send me home again~
hahahahahhaa
that would be crazy~!!

been long since i smiled like this~
=)))

only one
just one freaking reason why its all closed and locked up and not wanting to move
is because i know the pattern
i see the same exact pattern
over and over again

i will love my heart out; he will leave
he will love his heart out; i will leave

and that was what i told him
he will leave me
nope, he didn't believe me
and told me to trust him that he won't

yea,
people change
feelings fade

noone can be blamed for changed tings when things have to change

but i don't wana change; tho things have to, i know..

because i don't wana go through it again
the guilt feeling of leaving someone behind
and then the hurt of being left behind

yes its true
im so fuckin rotting at home
and im so fuckin hatin it

#1 mum just hates me being at home
#2 mum fuckin doesn't allow me out

-_____-" ..??!!
yea~ tell me bout it~

shudn't have quit my job ey?
too bad. too late to un-sign papers
and greatest thing ever..
the last pay slip i got, there was sales commission~
wah best kan~
aku dah quit baru kasi commission~
pantatz~! haha

and yea~
i made up my mind
i'd just go for a part tym job
i think ima say hello to RP right back again


someone yell to me; just how much life sucks right now
job-less
school-less
CASH-LESS~!!
fcuk

but ive got the GFs
and Endang
im so glad they're right back in my life
tho im stil in the single club la kan~

enjoyed movie with Dee on Friday
Remember Me was sadending~
like shit serious
nice sad movie with a hidden mxg

and im definately enjoying playing the anak with much frustrations
I FINALLY PASSED~!
i finally got the selang sepak2 plus bunga thing~
FINALLY!!
hard work paid off~ =))


im gna meet two GFs later on~
weeeweet!
gona meet Jay so she can bring me to meet her supervisor for the pt job interview
then gona meet Sucy for a MOVIE DATE~!
ouh i miss her~ =)


and yea people~
ima move again.
tumblr proly.
seems cool..
im gna explore it before i link it up.

yea 2 reasons y im moving
#1 i hate the negative energy here
#2 i just wana do away with blogger for a while~ =)

not that i hate blogger~
NEVER
=)

byee now~

cus if its replacement you're finding.. it ain't love, its rebound. so stop searching. it'll come when you ain't finding~ just like taxies..

right?
taxis just don't wana come when you look for them.
especially when you are in a hurry

sometime
i just feel like killing the youngest
she is putting pressure on me
and im hating her right now for that

i just WISH i WAS finding you
then i'd be rebound
and i'll just bounce away from you in a snap
just like i did.. to someone else laa

anyway~
what GF said is true
and right
it'll just come when you ain't lookin for it, and ain't finding it

and right now..
let's just say the doors and windows and whatever holes are closed..
and prolly locked
maybe it shouldn't be locked
so that its easier for things to get out ey?
well yeah~
it is closed..

so many things matter when you just really wana throw something away
#1 ur so attatched tt its stuck.
#2 courage to throw it?
#3 I MIGHT STILL NEED IT. DON'T THROW IT! right? it always happen
#4 r u absolutely positively 100% really positive that you wana throw it w/o regrets?
but what's life with regrets right?
#5 so is it the exact right time yet?

even if you think you are like super ready
you have enough courage, just the right amount that you have been plucking all the while, while waiting for this exactly right time to just throw it far far super far away..
do you have the strength..? that's #6~!
strength to firstly literally throw it away
strength to not think it through that u seriously have done it
strength to face the world right away after all that had happen
strength to keep yourself calm
just strength.. so you have it..? or enuf of it..?

so they think throwing is easy
replacing is fine
getting rid of something you've grown attatched to is just as easy as eating..?
ouh well..

*yawns*

n i came to realise tt tings r worst wen period comes.. ouh well

ryt nw i js wish tt ur stil wif her.. so we‘d js b norm fwens.

budden agn, ive olways tot to myslf tt tings olways olways n wil olways hapen fr a reason, or 2.. n tt evrytng r js blessings in disguise. im definitely still learning.. n i'll keep learning until i geddit.

im slow at xcptng facts esp wen i dun wan em to hapen.. bt im seriously stil tryin. struglin, bt yes, stil tryin.

i cn only blog n tweet n plurk abt it. cs its totaly insignificant fr me to talk abt it.
n wen i do type it dwn n let d whole wrld read, i crnt hlp bt to feel tt ppl r judging me by these. tho i noe i shudnt care n i rly dun wana care a freaking bit, i stil do.
my mind wil olways tink of evry1, esp those who noe u, judging me by these shits.

i haf yet to cmplt my rantings. bt blogging via fone is a killer.
i js hope tings wernt turning into this path ryt nw. bt i+ olrdy had.

tnx fr stepin in n makin a difrnce in my lyf. hope i made a dif in urs too. =))

Let's think about it this way: In your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.

-http://sucyyy.onsugar.comMar 17, 2010 10:03PM

i am not the only girl
let alone your only child

and it's not as if im not doing any chores at home
ya la i know im not working
you think i want to sit and rot at home??
with all your blabbering and what nots~??

and you think its nice doing all these to me right?!
fuck~

uhhhh binget uh
dudok pat rumah salah
nak klua salah

kaoz~
im just so freaking irritated
by everything okaaaaayyyyy~!

every past and present and future.
its just so frustrating.
why can't everything just piece itselves together for once and create a smiling curve on my face??
DAMN IT!

okay so i was laughing when i read my previoust post
kecoh la kau ni atie~

ya~
i was so mad and frustrated and everything eles~!

okay so~
i logged into tagged and found this sitting in my inbox


FUNNY OKAY~!
wth?
courage n composition?
wat kind of courage i potray online giler??

and add you on YM for CHEATING?
hahahahahaha~
kekek giler~!

der's another funny thing i wanted to share~
but it just slipped my mind..

so you see my mood swing..?
yeah~

AND OUH YA!
i just found out yesterday
that hamsters ARE nocturnal beings~ -___-"
no wonder they always complain of hamsters being noisy at night~
hahahaha

now this lil one at home is being quiet~
i think dier dah gemok!
but at least he bothers to run in his small wheel
altho aske tercampak klua jek
bcs of miss-footing~

unlike.. ehem kan?
MAKIN BONCET!
hahah~
ok jom
save money and buy basikal
i cannot run la~
its just a killer
hehe

okay la
gud nyt~

AND PLEASE
someone please get me classic cheese pleaseeeeeeeeee
im super craving for it laaaa~

saper bli kan..
aku sayang seumur hidup aku~
sayang max nyer! =)

great~!
things are just geting greater and bester den ever!
wooohoo!

LIKE DUHH IT WAS SARCASTIC~!
cheeebaaaaiiii~!!!

kaoz~!
tnx ekh

what with the fucking mood swings during thins fucking time of the irritating month~
and the fucking patrol is only counting
not showing stats!!
babi la kau~

MUSIBAT HARAM MAXIMUM PUNYER~!
JANGAN JADI SIAL LA BOLEH TAK?!
KAU PER HAL NI~????

EYY
BUNO ORANG PON CANTEK LA SKARANG~!

ni budak2 pon bodoh
aku cakap ape
dapat masok tag kan
korang ni otak letak mane?
pantat ekh?

tanak tag jangan masok la babi~
kaoz~!
pey sial~!!

OMG~! my sister is so gona get married soon
best per~
im gona get a niece/nephew soon~!
haha

ok
that night
adek was randomly talking to me before we doze off
she was like

"KAK TI~!
kak N nak kat kawen tu
kak ti cepat2 la ader boifwen
adek tanak langkah bendol tau"

and i was like;
whuuut??
-______-"

ok translation
kak ti (me)
kak N (our elder sis) is getting married soon
and you quickly get a boifriend
i don't want to marry before you

adek adek~
whaaaat are you thinking??
nak kawen tu kawen je la
langkah bendol ke tak ke tu kau punye pasal la doink~
haiyaaa~

okay banyak keje at home
bye~

so I guess I am all set~
i know what to wear.
i've done copies of my ic, birth cert pon ader
copies of my transcript and O lvl cert

OUH!!
app from half completed~!
ouh dangs~
wait!!

okay~
done-ded..
but i better re-check la kan?

okay done-ded

OMG~
the thought of turning up for a full-time job interview is killing me~!
can i not go?
i am so takot la
what if i pee in my pants?
pantat kau la atie!
hotak kau bodoh
ader ke sampai terkencing?
merepek la~!

now2
i need to print some map or someting~
find out where to alight~
*padehal salu gi vivo/sentosa nmpk per maner nak turon~*
kaoz~ dengssss nyer budak nih~
da kenape kau?
omg~

seram max!

OUH YA~!
i just angkat-ed my baju from jemoran
so i wanted to gosok the baju for later
but gues what!
ADER TAIK!!
yes yes..
taik burong kot
kakak samer bpk aku ckp rezki~

SO PRAY WITH ME PLEASE!!
omg im so takot la can?
ok dah dah..

breathe iiiiinnnn~
breathe ouuuuuuuuuuuuut~

bagaimana hendak ku lupa..? bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata.. harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu~ bagaimana ingin aku membencimu..? jikalau setiap hari merindu..

begitu mudah kau ucapkan.. terimalah saja kenyataan.. aku masih terkilan~

apa gunanya bahgia..? jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu.. aku pilih derita merinduimu~

Ahli Fiqir - Derita Merindu

yer saye..
sayer lagi kemarok lagu ni.
lu ada hal pa gang?
heh

haha
NOT~!

ouh my gf is back
sucy is back!!
sucy is back home in Singapore people~!!!
Sucy is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack~!!

haha
excited nampak excited nampak???
but of cus~
i miss her sey
i didn't even know when she was flying off
suddenly she was onlyn in another country already~

was such a lucky coinsidence that i bumped into her otw to training just now
my throat was seriously killing me for my tea..
so i went walking to B&S to get my drink..
then i saw her

didn't took off my earpiece..
did i scream..?
haha..
all i remember was
my eyes widen upon seeing that gurl with the rasta coloured sling bag
we ran towards eachother and hug one another super tight~

ouh i miss my girls so much!
i wana spend time with them all~!

dee & jay
sucy
aisyah & shyda
FAHILA & ALIYYAH~! korg ingat aku tak ingat korg ke? miss korg jugak kay~
and also the sec sch bebs; naq aten & syirah

so~ now that you're back beb~
let's go catch a movie
been long since we went out la kan..? =)

maybe we can go out with dee jay bas n naj too!
gosh
miss everyone!

Labels: girlfriends

Hi. My name is Nurul Atikah. Yes, I used to be stuck with deep feelings with someone and I blogged about that person with the tag labeled MrN. Do me this favour. He is dead. So stop clicking that link, for it will appear on my BlogPatrol list. It ain't helping.

Yeah~ I know who you are. So before I start knocking on your door, you better do me this favour and stop clicking. =)

And don't bother asking. He is dead after all right? Right.

ouh well.. i am evil when i want to be. i am atie. i can be what ever person i want to be. want me to be the bubbly laughing machine, then stop these shits. give me shits, i'll throw them right back at your face, sucker~!

and even if u think u are him that u have the right to read it.. go kick yourself~! he is dead. u crnt be reading if ur dead right? *shakes head*

and so
i have been downloading my music feeds
the old songs i've been wanting to listen to

yes
believe it or not
only now have i found the way to get them
yes.
ms atikah is THAT kental
thank you =)

so
my three year old creative zen stone of only 1gb capacity cannot hold in any more of my music feeds
what with the jiwangs
the senis
the oldies
and everything else
apart from country music and techno
and whatever else those mat/minah reps listen to
the mp3 just can't force fit my music feed

so i really need a new mp3
so i can have more music feeds =)
hopefully vedio feeds too~
and and~
listen to the new hits on the radio~!! =))

here are my picks




read more here and here

i want!!
nono~
i need!

so i have to save up
really have to save up
please please pray with me that i get more job offers soon
haizz~

got it~
now listen..
sayu~

ouh well..
i guess enough missing for now..
my hands are just ouh-so-itchyyy to type type and tell the whole wide world
and every single stalker who reads this un-updated blog of mine what happened..

so
i admit
i was just testing water
just wana see if the number of hits to the bloggie would be the same or decrease if i went missing just like that

but then again
my twitter was a constant update
so people like don't bother to worry if im dead or alive anyway~

anywhats
im very much alive
and breathing
and unhappy..? not~

tagged is getting more and more irritating
ader ke patot bangla maner tah add aku??
tu tak pe
naek boring aku bace
"ur smile is so sweet it will ligthen up anyone's day"

-____-"
*pukes* can?

ouh come on people
if u look at my boncet perot
u'll run away!
hahahahahahahaha

yang paling "best" skali
yang comment2 ni mcm sumer ciner la hape bangse dari negri maner tah
(????)


ouh ya
went for a short holiday on 6&7
was boring
didn't have enough time to shop!
lucky i didn't withdraw extra cash to change
-_-"
but managed to grab 2 tees and another top
and a ciplak watch

and ouh~
THOUSAND AND ONE APOLOGIES~!
to the three mamats who worry for no reason
haha.
i forgot to tell them that i would be going for the short trip
they called like more than 5 times each to ask me to lepak
the minute i switched my hp on on Sunday night
the caller alert smses came in
FLOOD!
haha

and ouh~
brape bnyk and ouh daaah?
i got a call from job channel
they arranged the interview for me
it'll be on Friday at TEN FREAKING AM~
wah best~
now i have to fill in the app form infront of me
which i don't want to..
i'l find a less lazier day to do up the form

and i have yet to call office to collect my money
-_-"

yat returned the kachings
which was spent just now when i went out with Jay and Zul after training~
-_-" kan?

and so~ i really have to get my cash back from the freaking office which is freaking far~

hmm.. what else?
ouuuh!
Sarifudin is super cute!!!
i think that's his name
or Saifudin?
urh.. wat a name..
i dun tink so~
haha

but i call him udin~
and he is super cute!!
just gta be near to his ibu or abang wen i carry him
so i can just stretch my arm out incase he cries..
haha

HE IS VERYYYY CUTE!
=)

IBU! ATIE NAK ADEK JUGK~
tanak adek ni..
nak adek baru~ blh? hehe

wah..
den i'll be ike 20 or 21 yrs older den my adek ekh..
jao tu!
tapi tak pe
aku sanggup jage
kiutee!!!

and and~
aku sukeeeee tgk abg yang sayaaaaang nah nan adk dorg
cam sweet n melting kan gituk~
cam caring max~ haaaa~

kay now i btr sleep before ayah gets home
or he'll start asking stupid repeated qns abt y i dun wana sambung sch
and wat jobs i'll b doin in d future~ -______-"
im tired of answering~

so long suckers!
hehe

SODAP oi lagu ni~
sadded oso uh
but niiiiiice~ =))

Tajuk/Lirik Lagu: Derita Merindu
Artis/Penyanyi: Ahli Fiqir

(Rap)
Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal
Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang tak percaya
Bagaimana nak bahagia

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu
Tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

(Rap)
Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata
harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu
Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu
Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia..
Aku pilih derita..

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

Mungkinkah esok atau lusa walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada ku tetap kan setia
Entah bila akan tiba sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah

(Ulang) (2x)
Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula

(Rap)
Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apalagi memandangku
Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan terimalah saja kenyataan..
Aku masih terkilan

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

(Rap)
Jika kau dapat memahami hati seorang perindu
Baru kau tahu derita hatiku
Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat derita diriku
Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku
Apa gunanya bahgia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu
Aku pilih derita merinduimu

Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai

Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa

*main focus;
How can I be smiling when you're gone
Will I be strong enough to carry on

Miles and miles to go before I can say,
Before I can lay my love for you to sleep



and this song kept playing in my head while i was otw home yesternight~
FOUNDED!



*main focus;
I wana walk
but i run back to you
that's why i hate myself for loving you

not exactly with purpose
not random either
just enjoy aights~ =))

so i said so many things
the quotes even hit me right back
like a brick being thrown right out a construction site and onto my head
kay bedek. ni dah exaggerating~
ouh well.. namer jugak atie.

and one of those which hit me hard enuf for me to remember was;

to have feelings is one thing,
to control them is another

and so none of us can control our feelings
we burst out laughing
we cover our face and cry
we love and we fall
we care for our close ones..

even how far we hide those feelings
deep inside we know
we are just hiding something we can't manage to control

so many reasons why i should just forget you and move on
but then again
somethings can't be controlled

sometimes its not a matter of can we or can't we do it
neither is it a matter of how easy or difficult is it for us
its a matter of can the outcome be controlled by us..

quite a number of reasons as to why i should just forget about everything and go on..
but the heart is just giving me the trouble
and leave me questions probably no one
nope, not even myself
have the answer to..

one of which is;

why does it choose to run back to that pair of hands which had dropped and shattered it into millions of tiny pieces?

so many reasons
but what's stopping?
*shrugs shoulders*


i think things are better left untouched now
i just don't wana fall back to square one
or square2 in this case.
hehe. geddit? omg~ smpt sak kau atie!

things are better left blurred right now
questions are better left unanswered

well..
time will tell
and maybe heal too..

Nurul Atikah
who is she again?
atie ekh?
or nurul?
or ikah?
eww!!! never in a million years would i be ikah!!!

ouh well..
i am still me~

and you people see me as the laughing kid
who laughs her ass off all the silly things she will ever do
or maybe NOT do

atie laa..
the one who laughs so loud and funnily..
sometimes scarily like a female ghost~

but is that all to atie?
nope.

more often than not
she screams so loud that people's eardrum can burst
she goes all emo with her jiwang songs

ala~
normal la
everyone has feelings~

so please understand
everyone has different personalities
displayed at different times
so~

im not only a joyful bubbly kid that everyone sees
so many things are hidden behind the huge smile and sea of laughter

know me better
im more than a laughing machine..

=)