im still not over this..
my head can never think on the spot!
it can never come out with all the things i need it to at the exact moment of time!!
gna get on my nerves soon!
pftt!!

ther's one more thing which keeps me from staying..
i think im just too young..
i still wana enjoy life dok..
i wana go out
have fun
go lepak here and there with my friends..
while i still have them.

not like i have none at work..
but it ain't the same la kan?

ouh well..
i can never go back on my words ey?

i mean..
since when have i done it..?
have i ever..?

i know that when i give my word..
when i put myself into something..
i WILL commit..

but seriously..
am i forced to be an adult?
yes..
i knew from the start that people expect me to be an adult
cus i have managed to go over to the working environment..

but..
*ther's always a freakin but laaa*
but am i of the right age..?
kay fine.. let's not talk about age..
am i in the right state of MENTAL STEADY-NESS?

and i have always had this problem of not being able to believe in myself when the people around trust in me enough..

like the time when i was promoted to VP in the Club..
-_-"
that was bcs..
#1 manpower suck
#2 i was the only one the 3 seniors saw commitment and effort in
hey. being in the club has never crossed my mind
i was literally forced into the club
cus my friend pulled me in to join it
i didn't even know there was such a club in school for the Science students. -_-"
i know what is responsibility
i know what is commitment..
the thing is..
im not bothered about it.. more often than anyone knows or would bother to care..

and the other time when Cikgu wanted to vote me for the head for Endang.
this was back in yr 1 going yr 2 too..
i don't believe i could do it.
i talked to some of the gurls
they said they believe that i could do it..
-_-"

i mean it's not like i don't want it..
it's just that i don't feel that i am up for it..

but yes..
i have to learn to trust myself..
i have to learn to think on my own feet
*not like i use my feet to think ey!*

i still need time..
i know i am suppose to be an adult already..
but somethings can't be helped.
i am trying
i am trying NOW

i don't expect everyone to understand..
but please..
do me the kindest favour by supporting me.. please..?

i know i am not the best
i never was, never have been.. but have always wanted to be the best i can be..

im easily placed at guilt.
and i hate that feeling..
and this is one more thing i have to learn to do away with

SO MANY THINGS, un-list-able if i were to list it all, FOR ME TO IMPROVE ON..
TO DO AWAY WITH..
i know
i do realise that now...
but i ain't no super hero who can change over night..
who can be that one perfect lil miss..
i am not superhuman..

and never in the whole wide world have i ever intended to hurt anyone in anyway possible..
i am just a humble 19-year old girl
who have yet to turn 20.. in SIX months time..

i have only a lil amount of people who know me well and understand me and support me
i don't wish to me the opp more.
and honestly
i don't feel support from the family..
how much worst can it get?
would anyone find the probability for me..?

time to sleep.
and i still think i want to enjoy..
but to think of it..
if i can juggle my things back in school..
i don't see *yet* why i can't here..

im still taking things at a positive note..
i have to.. now esp. =)