interview(S) was okay la
ler stakat~
just ask basic things
what positions i looking for
what type of shifts.. 5.5 days or rotating shifts possible
when i can start
blah blah~

cek~

watched movie for free..
and the heart beat super fast screaming his name
-__-"
seriously heart.. you can stop it already
you're no longer in his hands and won't be anymore kay~
he handed you over to me already
so stop wanting to run back to him
ape la best nyer tgn orang compared to rumah kau yang sedia ader nih??
tak serik jatoh dri tgn dier ekh?
haiyoo~
stop it la please favour.

ouh
tmr gona b Endang's outing
so before i head to meet them all
going back to SR take some thing~
then gooo
*pray somethings*

kay dah
nothing else.
no other offer on jobscentral
gona sleep for now~

Labels: life, MrN, work

it really would make me feel a whole lot better to know you ain't checking up anymore..
so maybe i should just remove the patrol..
or log into the patrol less.

you don't have to hide you noe~
yes i still do call out your name at night before i sleep
and call out your name when i wake up after dreaming of you

but i know
this is the certainty that ive been asking for all these while..
that i totally don't belong to you

i know now
and i realise

tho i still dunoe what you're trying to prove or make me trust out of whatever you have done..
and i still dunoe why i should trust in believing in you abt this matter
that something good will happen out of it..

i still trust tt something good will indeed turn out from this mess
not exactly trusting you
but trusting fate

i still miss u tho
but it'll go no where..
hmm..

and ouh
i stare blankly lesser now..
i have more things to think about
so i think less of you
that's good right?
yup i noe.

u nvr left ryt?
cus ur stil ryt here
in my heart.
*gosh tt sounds so.. blurgh~!
but who cares..?*

Labels: MrN

no doubt im still confused to be angry or to just be happy..

at some points of time
i just wana look back and smile
but some times
i just wana slap the truth out from you..

tapi sejahat atie pon
tak de la betol2 sepak terajang orang kan?
lain la lau aku dah jadi 100% minah rep
not like i am..
*rollseyes*

but seriously
some times i just smile to thyink of everything that had happen
which is good
=)
but others
i just think of what happened
what had been said and done
and just wana scream and question why things don't happen
the things which were said to hasppen
not the ones i want to happen kay
jgn salah anggap =)

then again
i'm forcing myself at sometimes looking at things in a positive way
that it all happen with a reason
and that everything is just a blessing in disguise

so can i apologise and thank you again? =)

if you people think that i am an obsessive biatch
who cannot get over something so simple as this
i am not
it's not easy getting over someone you love okay
or in this case.. loved

get yourself stuck in this position
and see how you fair~

for wounds like this
medicines, medicated oils and plasters won't help.
only time would.
and kacau-ing people on tagged! haha~

im definitely emo-ing for a while
haha
biler mase aku tak emo pon?
heehehe~
but that doesn't mean i aint moving on or picking myself right back up
it's just part of moving on..

on another note
i still feel sick
but i need to let loose
gona meet nas n fiq later~!
woots
karaoke-ing with my sengau voice.
hehe..

im still joking n smiling n laughing like atie always does
so no worries
i am perfetly fine in my own way~ =)

Labels: life, MrN

please pardon the language
i understand better with my own broken & mixed language

funny how this feels like a break up
sebab.. we are just two different people
who are just confused of each other punye presence
kan..?

but this feels somehow worst
cus
i had my classmates and super close Endang gurls when i first broke up
and i had my FYP teammates
my GFs
and Syafik wen i broke up with that same stupid guy


yesternight i felt lost
i really felt super lost
for once i was alone
crying my eyes out
just wanting to scream out loud

my hingos were just getting worst
campo nan air mate..
hamek kau.. makin menjadi-jadi uh

i woke up with kerak2 from the airmate
and the hingos like all over my face..
but who cares?
i didn't even looked at myself in the mirror
what more,
i didn't wash my face before i slept
i bet the black lines i saw on my hands were eyeliner marks

and i think i bleed
cus i saw brown marks on my bedsheet
but who cares?
i do my own laundry~

i woke up and cried again
nagis2 dah macam budak giler
bobual sendiri
hentak2 tangan pat katel baru yang tilam nye masih keras nih
tumbuk2 bantal2 atas katil ni
campak2 bantal pat cupboard

naseb ibu tak masok
lucky she never mengamok and scream at me
that would have been worst..

and with a state like this
i'm proud to say at home
and not go out

but aku buat keje giler la
tak de orang pat rumah
nak gamble isap rokok pat tange
kol2 ibu tak angakt~
check2 dier balek, mangkok aku.
jadi aku buat la keje giler pat dapo
gi asap pat tingkap dapo
tapi ni keje bodoh maximum-est uh~
haha. so dumb.

i actually forgot that the nenek kaypo punye tingkap bilik n tingkap dapo are actually facing my tingkap dapo
so anytime dier boleh nampak
aku tunggu ape..
mati kan la rokok..
ingat nak asap lagi pat lua..
pk2 balek..
uh buang suda rokok tu
dah bau nye kuat..
mangkok aku lau kene tangkap..

so yah
the whole day aku kopet
atas katel dengan laptop
nages ketawe suke ria~
ketawe kan Nas pat telipon!
haha. part ni klaka! hahaha~
ey
tapi sayer mandi okay..

yang paling tak perlu nye bende yang jadi nari
MSN
i don't need that same three words from you
esp in caps ekh~ *rollseyes*
yes you MrN.
dah pandai simpan mxg hist kan?
pi bukak uh.. check.
tak paham jugak. your problem kay =)

ouh
was hungry
so i ate the semalam punye kepale ikan masak curry~
bluek.
but i just finish eating another half of the head~
hehe

ouh.
i was fb-ing and tagged-ing the whole day~

but..
its not worth it la.
tagged nye budak2..
haizz..

tapi my 2 GF found their other half on tagged la kan?

*rollseyes*
ader la org baru onlyn..
should change my settings..

anyway..
i dunoe what else to do now.
i'm sick of tagged.
boring.

what with the mat reps
and the kelings adding me up
the people from tak tau country maner tah adding me up
and the old people~
ee..
im only 19 ekh.
people like 27 are like adding me up.
*pukes*
haha
aku lebih rela dgn kau sak nas~ haha
eh padehal ex aku 6 thn beza ekh..
hahaha

uh pape la

but moving on too fast is a killer
nak chill2 lek2..

im definitely picking myself up
and that is guuuuud

still have questions left unanswered
but if it's still unanswered after the weekend..
then..
just leave it as that


i need GFs who are single and can mingle~
then can go out and lepak~
have fun!
lau members due nih da sangkut
susa sikit ler..
hehee~

but yea~
i'm still smiling..
still laughing

cam members cakap smalam
"ekh? kau ni atie ke bukan ni?
woi. atie. ketawe nan senyum ader beza tau.
kau senyap cam ni.. senyum jek tak klua suare..
seram pulak aku"

hahaha!!

kecoh dok.
member sorang bubble smalam
klua nan member lain.
bubble lagi lor.
tipu lagi laa~
penat uh

sakit ni macam pon nak buat orang sakit hati.
piiih!

and im getting sick-er by the minute. =\
hidung sombat tak cukop tau.
telinge pon nak sombat jugak
bey batok2 lagik~
hoii~
memang nak buang duit aku betol la pi belik ubat.
waste money!

and you reading with your Mac stuff
what ever la.
mac book ker
itouch ke
iphone ke..
suke per bace2 org nyer blog~
and you're not using singtel's wireless or broadband.
i noe la.
you think i stupid ekh?
dah la.
bace2 confirm suke kan bace blog aku ni
bey ketawe2
meh meh.. let me laugh with you
muaaaahahahaha
dah?
ok. tag la walau iyer pon..
mari la erat kan silaturahim ni~
ok dah

OUH!
i have yet to jemur my kain la.
tido nak masuk pukul 5 pagi
bangun pukul 10.
aku ingat part bangun tu.
aku dengar suare Fiza O
mandi nyer pukul 2 lebih
haha.
terok2

best.
sesaper nak ajak atie klua besok?
blh uh.
mendak uh pat ruma ni~
boring mangkok!

ok dah.
tu je.
panjang berjela kan?
haaa.. hamek kau!
hehe

Labels: complains, life, MrN

just promise me
for once
just once

that you won't walk right back in
when you had already walk away to the other end of the earth
and i am almost reaching my finishing line of recovery

just to tell the truth
make me fall back to my starting line
knowing very well that you'll walk away

i despise walk-away-ers
maybe i should have told you that from the start.

promise me.. just this once...

Labels: MrN

it's all a lie
a huge big big super big fat lie..

how could that be the last
if you knew it was
why bother to still meet up and hug?
why bother to want to meet again?
why bother to still read and be confused?
why bother to still read and wonder if it's all about you?

it's all a lie
a huge big big super big fat lie..

why bother promising to wait
and for what?
why bother asking for a change
and for what??

you're still lying
it's all still a lie..

and you just won't tell me the truth would you?
you just won't let me see the whole big picture to all these..
you're just purposely not showing everything
making things more difficult..

what?
what is it?
just show me the whole picture

you kept saying i don't understand
well, make me..

it's all blur and cloudy
how do you ever expect me to understand?
then why won't you make me understand?
why do all of these?
why me..?

ihateyou

i want to know
i wana understand..
stop lying or keep the truth untold
show me the whole picture
make me understand..
i just want to know.
please..?

Labels: MrN

ihateyou=\

Labels: MrN

at least i know you're not a coward
like him !@#$%^&*
at least you bother to explain things

maybe what i felt from the start was right.
no. not maybe.
it is right.

and maybe whoever ibu doesn't like
won't happen.
so yea.

thank you =)

it's gona take a while.
but i'm gna pick myself right back up..
like i always do.

and maybe my feeling for you will fade too
pray for me?

Labels: MrN

im still contemplating to blog with fury or calmness.

i knew it
i saw it coming
i knew from the start
you WILL leave me

time and again i told you i was scared
and today
it just happen

so all those who wanted me to leave him
who didn't want me to be with him
your wish came true
he left
yes he did
with a simple text message
just like Adi did

gosh it's all the same
the hopes
the certain dreams come true
the "love"
the "care" and "concern"
the promises

well its just my luck ain't it?

now i can really push you hard,
hug my knees and cry..

that's what every one wants to see right?
lil miss atie crying


i can't believe it
why this?
why now??

why pretend to be concern?
why pretend to care?
why give hopes?
when in the end, you know very well you're gona leave
why??


how do u xpect ur feelings to not fade when you don't bother to nurture it?
tsk.


i just feel like throwing every single thing in this room to your face
im so angry
and sad
and irritated
and broken-heart-ed.

i don't know why and how you've got the heart to do this..

so thank you
for all the times spentwasted together
for all the attention/love/care/affection/concern/MONEY given
for all the truths/lies/bullshits/brokenpromises
for everything

you can finally hit the delete button for everything
done-ded for twitter
dond-ded for fb
now left MSN n hp contact

i won't stop you anymore.

ijustwisheverythingwasjustabadbadverybaddreamandiwouldwakeuptostillhaveyouaround.imissyousomuchandsomehowneedyoubutyoujustdon'tseeit.idon'twantyoutogo.pleasestay.=\

Labels: MrN

you can quit reading.
don't need to pretend anymore.
delete me off everything

twitter
facebook
MSN if you must..

most importantly,
your life.

go ahead.
hit the button.
i never meant a single thing from the start anyway..

as far as i remember
i was just someone you used to get away from her
and make her jealous.

so go..
just go.

i didn't delete you off
i blocked. then unblocked. for not even a day
i removed you off the list. but i un-private it
you can still read like you first did..
and i've changed my mine.
i'm not privatizing the blog

so come and read and click on the label
the one meant for you
the post talking about you

just go.
hit the button
GO!
*pushes you away*
*hugs knees*
*buries face in between knees*
*cries*

Labels: MrN

your presence is so great
that your absence kills..

Labels: MrN

"are you saying that i'll leave you?
i won't leave you.
trust me"

and i trusted every single word of yours..
three more days.

Labels: MrN

it all seems the same

seeing things other can't
being jealous of the person who can manage to make me laugh when i don't even wan to smile
bring me hope
made my dreams came true
love me
doubt me
leave me at the very most important time when i need you the most

you are very much similar to him

just leave if you want to
or need to.

i'll make it through like i always do.

Labels: MrN

i've said this before
cus i've always had shit being thrown at me

so if shit is done
let's just flush it away
if its stuck
ask your dear plumber to fix it
if your plumber refuse
then walk away
find a new bowl and a new plumber


i really need to find a plumber or a plumber's son~
haha

cus one..
i can't seem to flush the SHITS away

and two..
the pipes at home are being a lil crazy..


but ouh..
we'll just wait until the heart really turns into stone for him
then everyone can help me find a plumber..
haha.

okay. aku dah start merepek lagi.
bye sumer.
i need to clear up the mess in the kitchen.

Labels: MrN

Labels: MrN